L-M-F-A-O

DREAM

Dreams are wishes your heart makes. I have many dreams, ambitions, hopes, desires, but yet i don't know how to fulfil them. I find myself walking in circles. I walk around getting closer to nowhere. Things just never work and I don't know why. I guess you could say "things happen for a reason" Life's full of ups&downs, you gain and you lose. Times are rough for me rite now and I'm doing my best to pull through. I don't know where life's taking me but I'm going to play the cards given.Sometimes i wonder what's left for me, how much longer i can handle everything. I give so much effort to only be disappointed, but i keep getting back up and moving on. When will that person come and pull me up and move on along wit me?

never thought this would happen...

i find myself in a friendship that's drifting apart. i wouldn't expect this to happen between us. excluding me from plans, and lying to me in front of my face, all because of a guy. this conflict is making me emotional, but i can't help. i don't want to cry, but it really hurts inside. this is worse than braking up with your boyfriend. losing your girlfriends, friends that suppose to be there for the rest of your life. this is like one of my nightmares becoming reality.
i really just hope things will get better between us, before it's too late. because, i don't want to stop making wonderful and happy memories with them.

My Love

I have been broken and bruised, but never by my own hands.
This heart, torn by the actions of a boy tortured by his own insecurities,
unable to deal with his lack of manhood.

I have paid a great price, by women who are willing to accept less
Naive with their bodies, their emotions, their self-worth
Willing to sell a piece of their soul for the touch of a boy
still playing tag with people’s heart

I have walked in their shoes miles upon miles
Following tormented beings to no men – land
Where the footsteps of countless lost lovers
Have left a worn path walked in search for the one

I saw myself in these women, but my face no longer belongs in that crowd
I will no longer wear the skin that was kissed a million times
Only to bear the scars of his inadequate existence
My beauty will no longer be defined by him, by the words he whispered in my ear
With misconstrued and hidden motives

I was not meant to be bounded by the chains created
From every other girls longing to be needed and loved
I will never let this body be held by men
who’s hands are heavy with the stolen integrity of other women

I was meant to fly, beyond your selfish grip
Beyond your false reality painted to keep me caged
My existence was not meant to fill in the gaps of yours

You have taken every bit of me when you slept with her
Defaced that what was pure, my love.
You entangled my scent with hers,
Your body tattooed with the dirty little deeds
Your essence becoming drenched with all that is evil in this world

You could not have loved me like you insisted
You brought home the enemy into my world, my life, my bed
I should have known, I should have felt,
The deceit seeping through those seductive lips
The same ones that have left their invisible marks
Of infidelity on every crevice of my body

My soul deserves to be united with a man
Who’s dark world is not enveloped
By the delusions that he is too great
To love me respectfully and unconditionally

I found myself, in the journey of losing you.
Unburden my shoulders by the weight of your heartless body
Pinning me to a world I just did not belong to
Unwilling to fit the mould of insecure women
Who have lost themselves in the search of you

These bruises will heal, my love.
The torn pieces of this heart will bind once again
by the love I embrace myself with
Strengthen by the sound foundation of who I am
I was meant for more my love,
but you had already known that
And now, so do I.

Note to self

That's the main thing sweetie. You got to remember that shit happens. You got to suck up and get over it. You've won! you came a long way and here you are, finally letting your past "rest in peace". You really fought hard to be here, where you are today. No more fighting for no'one but yourself. No more setting by the phone and wait for a phone call that might come in a few seconds, hours or few days or ever never. Promise to not talk about him to your next. Realize what you have before it's done and gone. No'more crying; wasting the tears that counts, means nothing to them. The tears you dropped turned into nothing but a wasted of time. Theres time that you almost hit the ground; hit it fast and hard but all the love you've got from everyone wont even let you touch the ground. You have a story to tell; don't forget to tell your daughter, who will be so amazing like you , that when you got someone good, dont let ' em go. If they let go; set ' em free, and if it comes back then that's how you know it's "the one"...